Silent-Decay.org

I have little to talk about this last week or so. TV is back in swing and I’m enjoying most of it. I caught “The Mentalist” last night with Simon Baker…. not very impressed honestly. But I’m quite enjoying “True Blood” and yes, even the new “90210″. However I think that may fade when Brenda Walsh leaves. “Prison Break” is already so much better than last season. The “Heroes” premiere this week seems to be in 2 camps - you either hated it or loved it. I LOVED it. LOVED LOVED LOVED. And the funniest part is, I love Mohinder. Apparently most of the fans hate him. Go figure. It was great to see the Petrelli boys and Hiro again. AND SYLAR. Oh god. “Eat your brain? Claire, that’s disgusting.” Best TV villian EVER. I <3 Zachary Quinto. “Bones” is just so under rated I believe. David Boreanaz just keeps getting better and better. Especially when they allow him to be a little goofy/funny. Then he really shines.

Work is still be adjusted to. Trying to get new ideas constantly is exhausting. I’ve got to plan a scavenger hunt for Saturday and it’s all I can think about it. Like I was waking up in the night worrying about the fact that I can’t think of anything. Plus the not knowing if I can count on someone being there to help me with 20+ kids (as in this past weekend the other staff just didn’t show up for work). I enjoy it while I’m there, it’s the 5 days in between that I start second guessing my decision to go into this line of work. It’s only been 2 weekends though so I need to give it some time!

Brian is off on his first of many trips to Winnipeg this school year. He went a day early as there’s a Calgary Flames Exibition game tonight at the MTS Centre. Abby is going to put on her Flames jersey and we will watch the game :). It’s always quiet here without him. He’s home Friday night though so it’s not too bad. I get to make something with mushrooms tonight which is a no-no when he’s home haha!

I had a doctor’s appointment today. Just girl problems starting to arise again. Hopefully it’s nothing serious like last time. I am waiting to be booked for an ultrasound and am being sent to a new OB-GYN specialist. For now I’m just to keep taking my hormone pills even though they don’t seem to be working anymore. But we don’t want to take the chance that it could get much worse if I stop. So I’ve got that looming over me now as well.

First day of work yesterday ended up being an whole hour while we went through all the paperwork and where all the important stuff is. Except for the van keys - I gotta remember to ask about that today. Today is registration and most of the staff will be there apparently so hopefully it won’t be quite so terrifying. I love getting a new job, I just hate starting it - the not knowing what to expect, being afraid of looking stupid and doing something wrong etc. I know it will be awesome though!

So my trip to Edmonton in November has changed. I was planning on taking the weekend before the concert (NKOTB, on the Tuesday) and really enjoying Edmonton. My mom wasn’t planning on coming until the Monday however and that bummed me out. But then my aunt who lives in Athabasca, an hour or so away thought she’d come see me on the weekend which would be great. Well now with the new job being weekends I won’t be able to go until the Monday either. Then I’ll want to come home Thursday because I don’t want to be getting back at 10pm Friday night and have to go right to bed to get up for work. I know my aunt will understand and I’m sure Faydra will too. A few days is better than none right? So why don’t I take the weekend off from work? Because I’m taking the previous weekend off……

TO GO TO TORONTO!!!!! Yeah that’s right. Brian called and woke me up earlier this week to tell me AC/DC announced tour dates. Only 2 Canadian ones this time. At first I was like “no I have work and who would take care of Abby blah blah blah”. Then when I got up and started thinking about it I was like well - Abby seemed to like Brandy and her dog. She also seems to like Bill. Maybe if we take time over a couple months it wouldn’t be so bad. Hmm and if I take that weekend instead of the next I can have two 3-4 day trips instead of just one. So why not!! Plus I’ll finally get to meet Lisa, Vee and Megs!! Vee, Megs and I have talked online since the day before dirt was created. Ok maybe not that long but I believe it’s been 8 years now. Insane right? Lisa is one of my most awesome-est friends and we’re so going to have a weekend of EPIC WIN! Brian and I are obviously going to the concert (Brian has 2 personal days so he’ll take the Friday and Monday off and then he has Tuesday off for Remembrance Day). Saturday we’re planning on going to the Royal Ontario Museum. We thought about going to an NHL game (Leafs vs. Habs) or to see Jersey Boys but decided because of everything else we’re doing we’ll just do supper and watch the game at the hotel or at least just hang out. Sunday is going to be awesome. We’re going to the Hockey Hall of Fame. That weekend is induction weekend so there’s a special Legends Game that we will be going to. Finally after that we’ll be going to the CN Tower because I’ve been to Toronto before and never got to go there. That’s like going to NYC and not seeing the Statue of Liberty or something lol! I will find a way to squeeze everyone in. Then Monday we’ll head home and get home Tuesday morning. WOO! I’m so excited! I don’t think I forgot anything.

Alright I should get going in the shower and get ready for work. Hope everyone has a great weekend!! I updated my 50 movie challenge page…. I’ve watched some bad movies the past week or so. Any reccomendations would be nice!

Canada’s prime minister dissolved Parliament on Sunday and called an early election next month (October 14) in hopes of strengthening his Conservative minority government’s hold on power. Nevermind the promise and law he passed to have fixed election dates. Apparently keeping his word and upholding the law do not apply to the Conservative goverment??

For too long, Stephen Harper has listened to those sitting around the boardroom tables, not the kitchen tables (every day Canadians). This is our chance to change politics in Canada. There are many reasons why you can’t trust Stephen Harper … and now there are six billion more. Last week Stephen Harper met with other political leaders to say he intended to quit his job as Prime Minister. But in the week since he’s met with them, Harper and his Conservative team have fanned out all over Canada to make over $6 billion in flashy pre-election announcements — $892 million a day. That’s $260 per taxpayer in last minute announcements to sway voters just days before an election call. Again, the problem is these are the exact same kind of last minute pre-election announcements Conservatives used to condemn when the previous government made them.

I am asking my fellow Canadians to go and find out about each party and the issues. Become informed in what’s going on in your country. Then on Tuesday, October 14 PLEASE go vote. It takes 5 minutes of your time (if that. Last election we were in and out in 3 minutes). It’s a right that we can’t afford to take for granted and responsibility we can’t afford to ignore. Minority goverments get nothing done. Bills get passed around and around (example Bill C-484) because everyone is so busy objecting to this and that, that nobody has the power to put their foot down and say ENOUGH. We need a majority goverment to make the much needed changes in our country’s economy, environment, health care and education systems. Please don’t go out and throw a vote to the “Green Party” or and independant because honestly it’s just a vote away from the real players and we’re just going to end up in the same position we’re already in. Which is a waste of billions of dollars and we caused it.

Today I bought a membership into the New Democratic Party. Do I agree with every stance? No of course not. But I agree with most of it and have the sensibility to put aside my religious beliefs to put my support behind the party that I believe has Canadians best interests in mind. When it comes to our environment, our children, our education including post secondary, our health and economy, I believe Jack Layton has fresh,new ideas that could be amazing for our country.

So I had a job interview yesterday (for the previously mentioned Lighthouses youth worker position). About half way through the interview the woman starts saying stuff like “Ok, so you’ll be doing this and planning that etc” but I took it in context as in “If you get the job this is what you’ll be doing etc”. No no no. IT’S WHAT I’LL BE DOING BECAUSE I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!

*ahem* Yes. Actually I got BOTH positions to make it more worth driving into town for :). So my real job title is co-ordinator/youth worker for the provincial Lighthouses and Parent-Child programs. For the Parent-Child program one person will work on the stuff not directed at the kids and I will be in charge of activities for the children ages 6-9. I’m going to have so much fun. That program runs from 1 - 3:30. I will technically start at 11:30 to give myself time to set up everything I need and to go with the center van to pick all the kids up.

What’s that you say? Don’t you need a Class 4 license to drive a 15 passenger van etc? Yes I do. And they will be paying for me to get it. SCORE!! For now I’ll just have to use the red minivan and maybe make 2 trips instead of 1.

Then from 3:30-6:30 I will just be a regular youth worker for the age group 10-14 for the Lighthouses program. By the time paperwork and clean up is done it’s around 7-7:30pm. It’s not a lot of hours and it’s not alot of money, but child and youth workers don’t do this work to become rich lol. It’s totally my dream job and I’m so glad I got it. I almost started to cry when I realized she was giving me the job I swear. So I start next Friday so I can meet the kids and kind of hang out and get the feel for the place. Then I’m working Saturday and Sundays. I was told if working every weekend got to be too much I just have to say something and we can shift things around to the evening/after school program for awhile if needed.

The nice part is that while I’m on E.I. (employment insurance) I’m allowed to make a certain amount of money and still receive benefits. Example: say I’m allowed to make $150 per week on top of my benefits. Great. Say I ACTUALLY make $160 - they just subtract $10 off the amount they give you. So basically I’m making a little more money, getting great experience and don’t have to worry right now about how to pay all the bills. The difference between my allowed amount and what I will be make is about $13. So fine with me!

I’m still so happy! Hope everyone has a great weekend!!

P.S. Thanks for all the love, support and advice on my last entry. I have the awesomest friends in the world!

So where do I start? Well refresher. Everyone knows about my younger brother and his history of drug abuse and treating his family horribly. For a reminder he’s the one that told people he didn’t want anybody to know I was his sister because I’m fat. Yes. So despite that general attitude towards me I believe I’ve always been really supportive of him even from afar. Look back through some of my old entries about him. Even at his worst I always just wanted the best for him. I never wanted anything bad to happen to him even if he pissed me off, even if he took advantage of my parents, even if he caused the whole family severe pain and drama etc. I was always hopeful and happy every single time he tried to change his life.

Despite all that for some reason I’m lower than pond scum to him. My parents have both tried talking him about it and he always responds with “I don’t want to talk about it.” For fuck’s sake it’s not like I ever abused him in anyway, I never teased him or called him names (more than any other sister), I never treated his girlfriends badly (in fact if I was nice to them he would get FURIOUS) and I always tried to let him know that even if he didn’t want me to be I was always there if he needed me.

So he and his girlfriend got engaged this weekend. Now besides the fact that literally the day before Brian and I had a HUGE fight about being together for 6 years and still not being engaged. Then I realized it’s not the biggest reason I keep crying about this.

I am going to have a sister (in law) that I don’t even know and I’m sure has only heard horrible things about me. I just learned her name is Angie. I have no idea what her last name is. I have no idea how old she is. I have no idea where she’s from, what she does or even what she looks like. I have never met her. Yes that’s right the entire month of July I never saw my brother once. I’m also going to have a nephew as soon as my brother’s adoption of her son goes though. I only know his name is Teagan and I think he just turned 9. That is all I know.

Does anyone see where I’m going with this yet? I should be thrilled for him. I should KNOW who my brother is planning on spending the rest of his life with. I should KNOW the kid that calls him DAD. I should be able to send him an email congratulating him and get a reply back. But none of these things are the way they’re supposed to be. And why? Because he’s just not a very nice person? That doesn’t seem to be a very good reason to miss out on having a relationship where things like this matter.
I’m tired of sending him xmas/birthday gifts/cards and emails and never getting anything in return. I feel like I keep trying and I keep getting slapped in the face.

Am I just such a horrible person? I just wish I could be …. I don’t even know what I wish it would be like anymore. But not this. Not by a long shot. I look at all my cousins and how they’re all close with their siblings. I look at my parents and how close they usually are with their siblings. I grew up surrounded with the ideal of siblings being there for each other, for being part of the things that happen in their lives. So I’m not sure how things ended up being the opposite of that.

I listened to my Mom go on and on last night after having them over for supper about wedding stuff. Finally I just had to tell her all of this and that I just couldn’t hear about it anymore. I didn’t want to take away from her happiness (and she was really understanding and that’s why she’s my best friend) but it was like hearing about a stranger. The wedding is set for May 9. Brian can’t go obviously. So it would just be me either driving all the way alone, or taking the bus then flying etc. For what? Obligation just because he’s my brother?

Not too much happened this weekend. Mostly just hung out with Abby, who is doing much much better. In fact in some ways she’s too smart for her own good. I put her outside with her barking collar (that one that sprays citronella spray when she barks. Dogs hate the smell of it.). So she barks a couple times and it goes off. HOWEVER she realized the wind was strong enough that even though it sprayed it was being blown AWAY from her face and then commeneced to bark like mad!! *sigh*

I went for coffee with an ex co-worker on Saturday. We had a great visit and I found some interesting things about the people I used to work with. It’s just reaffirmed my old motto : Trust No One. which is disheartening because I’d like to be able to trust people. I borrowed “Eclipse” from Brandy and I’m about half done. Enjoying it but not LOVING it. Certainly not fangirling over it the way I do with Harry Potter etc but it’s not crap so that makes Crystal happy. I also went over there for coffee earlier this week. They have a little dog named Willow - cutest little thing! Very affectionate like Abby and very yappy like Abby. I guess the poodle half of them is dominant lol. It’s great. Anyway yesterday Abby and I went over there after her checkup at the vet. Abby and Willow barked alot at each other but nobody attacked and they seemed to calm down after a little while. So we’re thinking about weekly playdates and we’ll use that an excuse to have coffee (see as we’re ladies of leisure now right Brandy?? haha). Abby warmed up almost immediately to Brandy and instantly loved Evan. It was a good visit.

I applied for 2 jobs that I probably won’t get. HAHA. One is for a youth worker with the Lighthouses program and the other is doing exactly what I’ve been doing for the last 2 years except with someone who is physically rather than mentally disabled. Either job would make me very happy (ok the second one more so!) so therefore I’m trying not to get my hopes up too high.

Brian gets home tomorrow just in time for the last long weekend of the summer. School starts next week so he’ll be really busy for the next couple weeks. Then I believe he’s off to Winnipeg for his first curriculum meeting of the year at the end of September. He’s going to see Reba and Kelly Clarkson with Laura who in turn is going to the Flames/Coyotes NHL exhibition game the next night. I didn’t get tickets to either because when they planned this I was still WORKING. Hopefully I will be working by then.

What Crystal Means

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You’re always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can’t handle you. You’re very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you’re likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. You may miss out by not settling down, but you’re too busy having fun to care. You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don’t always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don’t have as much going for them as you do. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You’re most comfortable when you’re far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You are usually the best at everything … you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic “Type A” personality. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don’t get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.